One of the most common questions I hear from pet parents is, “How can I get my dog to listen to me?” Whether they have puppies or older dogs, the struggle to get a dog’s attention and cooperation can be frustrating. But what if the real question should be, “Why doesn’t my dog hear me?”
"Why doesn't my dog feel heard?"
The short answer? Your dog doesn’t feel heard, yet.
Understanding your dog’s behaviour often starts with ensuring they feel listened to first. Communication, after all, is a two-way street, yes, especially with our lovely pets. And exactly like in any relationship, meeting both sides' needs is essential. Many pet parents expect their dogs to respond instantly to cues in any and all situations, but this expectation misses a core truth: dogs are natural pleasers. When they don’t listen, it’s often because something is off balance in their world.
1. Enrichment: Meeting Their Daily Physical, Mental, and Social Needs
Think about the context in which you’re asking your dog to listen. Has your dog practiced the behaviour in this environment before? Are there more and newer distractions today? Dogs are creatures of habit and can sometimes struggle with new settings. Start with easier and familiar environments before moving to more challenging ones, and check in with them often to ensure they feel comfortable and connected with you.
2. Set the Stage: Check Your Environment
In most training cases, my first step is always checking whether a dog’s basic needs are being met. Dogs need regular outlets for physical energy, mental engagement, and social connection. If a dog isn’t listening, they may be lacking one or more of these types of enrichment, leading to pent-up energy, boredom, or frustration. Before any training, ensure your dog’s daily routine includes activities to engage their body and mind.
3. Reflect on Your Relationship: Are You Providing Space to “Hear” Your Dog?
Think of your dog’s attention and willingness to listen as a reflection of your relationship. Dogs depend on us for almost every aspect of their lives—from food and exercise to social opportunities to learn from and grow. If we take the time to “listen” to them by carefully observing their body language, acknowledging their needs, and responding to their cues, we create a foundation of trust. The more your dog feels they have a say, the more eager they’ll be to listen when you ask something of them. Doesn't this sound familiar to other relationships in your life?
Key Questions to Consider
The next time you’re a little puzzled by your dog’s behaviour, take a step back and ask yourself:
Is the environment right for this training? Have we practiced here before?
Did my dog seem connected to me earlier today? Or has their attention been elsewhere?
Is there something about this situation that might make them unsure?
Am I consistently meeting my dog’s enrichment needs? Has anything in their routine changed?
How does my dog seem physically and emotionally? Are they extra energetic, tired, or out of sorts today?
Reinforcing Behaviors, Even Unintentionally
Dogs are masters at reading their environment (they have nothing else to go by) and responding based on what works for them to achieve the dseireable outcome. Such as feeling safe, comfortable, not stressed. And so, if we consistently react to unwanted behaviours—whether by scolding or calling their name repeatedly in a not so encouraging tone—we might actually be reinforcing those behaviours, even without meaning to. Much like young toddlers, dogs easily focus on what catches their attention in the moment, and even negative attention can encourage them to repeat an action.
Instead of reacting and confronting a situation, try pausing and understanding what might be driving the behaviour. Is your dog asking for more playtime? Or are they bored because they need more mental stimulation? Are they feeling frustrated, unsure or even scared in that particular situation? A little investigation can reveal why they’re feeling the need to act in the way they are, and help you respond in a way that prevents the behaviour from repeating while also leaving your dog feeling heard and supported.
Building a Positive, Lasting Bond
When you take a moment to understand your dog’s world and ensure their needs are met, you’re building a foundation of trust and communication. Rather than focusing on how to get them to listen, shift to thinking about how you can listen to them first and foremost. This approach strengthens your relationship and naturally encourages them to respond positively to you.
Above All, Don't Forget that It’s a Two-Sided Partnership, Not Just Training
Ultimately, your relationship with your dog isn’t too different from any close bond you have in your life. When you make an effort to meet their needs, they’ll be more inclined to meet yours and find fulfillment doing so. So next time, rather than reacting to “bad” behaviour, start by asking yourself, “Why doesn’t my dog feel heard?”. The answer might surprise you—and lead to a happier, more attentive dog.