The Most Important Dog Training Skill Most Don’t Work On: Dog Emotional Regulation
Have you ever felt frustrated that your dog seems to get stuck in a loop of excitement, stress, or pure overwhelm? You’re not alone. Emotional regulation, which refers to teaching your dog how to go from an overexcited or anxious state to a calmer, more thoughtful one, is one of the most important dog training skills most pet parents don’t work on, or even consider. But once you prioritize it, it can transform your dog’s behaviour like nothing else ever will. What Is Emotional Regulation in Dogs?
In simple terms, emotional regulation is the ability to manage intense and heightened feelings—like overexcitement, frustration, or even fear—and smoothly return to a more stable and mellow state. Humans develop this skill over time, and guess what? Dogs can learn it too! When a dog knows how to dial down that initial burst of adrenaline or jitters, they’re far better equipped to make calmer choices as a result.
Why does this matter? Because a dog, or even a puppy, that has learned that they can self-soothe won’t constantly bounce off the walls whenever the mail carrier arrives or another dog walks by. Instead, they're more likely to pause, think, and often respond in a more desirable way (even more so if reinforced and trained to). This leads to fewer stressful encounters and a healthier bond built on trust.
Common Challenges and Hurdles
One reason pet parents and dog trainers overlook the concept of emotional regulation is that many simply don’t know it’s a productive practice in dogs, nor do they know how to apply it. We tend to assume that we should just tell our dogs how to act and feel in overwhelming scenarios—when, in reality, the dog hasn’t learned how to calm themselves yet in easier situations. Expectations can be sky-high, especially if we jump straight into difficult environments (like a jam-packed dog park) without offering our pups the foundational tools in simpler, quieter settings first.
Think about it like exercise: you don’t start by running a marathon if you’ve never jogged a mile. We often forget our dogs need the same gradual buildup when it comes to emotional skills. Jumping into the deep end without learning the basics can leave you both feeling frustrated and discouraged.
How to Start Teaching Emotional Regulation
The first question to ask yourself before entering any potentially stressful situation is, “Can my dog handle this environment right now?” If your pup is already at their limit—maybe the place in question is too noisy, crowded, stressful or full of triggers, and so it’s best to scale it down. Create physical distance, find a quieter spot, or even postpone the outing until you have a better plan.
But remember, simply stepping away from the stressor isn’t the entire lesson; it’s just the opening move. Once you find a calmer setting, practice foundational exercises. For instance, show and hold a treat without immediately handing it over. Let your dog work through that initial wave of excitement until they offer a calmer demeanour—maybe they stand still, sit, or look up at you expectantly. When they do, mark the moment (“Yes”) and give a reward. This simple exercise encourages and teaches them that relaxing, pausing and thinking leads to good things and more manageable emotions, rather than simply reacting.
1. The “Wait for the Toy” Exercise
What it looks like: Hold your dog’s favourite ball in your hand while they sit or stand calmly (without a verbal cue). When your dog starts to get excited or jump, keep the toy still and don’t release it. Remain calm and wait. As soon as they start to relax (even slightly), calmly praise them and let them have the toy. Try again later, daily and gradually grow your expectation.
Why it works: This teaches the dog that calm behavior—not frantic excitement—earns them what they want. It’s a simple way to practice regulation before they get the reward and introduces other ways to be and feel.
2. Structured Sniff-and-Stroll
What it looks like: Take your dog on a short walk in a low-distraction area (like a quiet street or backyard). Encourage them to sniff and explore, but periodically pause and ask for a brief check-in (like a “look at me” or a moment of eye contact). Praise calm and mellow interactions with you and their environment.
Why it works: It shows your dog they can enjoy their environment while remaining responsive to you. The mini-breaks for check-ins help them practice going from “exploring mode” back to a calmer, focused state.
3. Impulse-Control Treat Game
What it looks like: Place a treat in front of your dog and cover it with your hand if they lunge or move toward it. Once they back off or sit calmly, lift your hand away. Release the treat only when they remain relaxed, for longer and longer.
Why it works: It’s a low-pressure environment exercise that teaches the dog they can’t just grab what they want as soon as they feel like it. They have to “choose calm,” reinforcing self-regulation before obtaining the reward.
Dealing with Overwhelm
Even when you do your best, there will be times your dog gets overwhelmed and overstimulated, just as it happens to you and I as well. It could be an unexpected encounter with a reactive dog across the street or an impromptu guest visit at home. In these situations, the most immediate step is to give your dog space and time. Physically removing them from the stressful spot can help them decompress before coming back and trying again.
Look at this as a teachable moment, not a failure. Jot down what happened and think about how to approach it more gradually next time. The goal is not to avoid triggers, rather it’s to show your dog how to self-regulate when those triggers pop up in manageable ways.
Building Consistency in Daily Life
Just like we benefit from routines and healthy outlets, so do our dogs. Offer them mental and physical challenges that channel their natural behaviours in a controlled way. Food puzzles, snuffle mats, scent-detection games, agility exercises and “sniff walks” will all work wonders. These activities tire dogs out mentally and physically, making it easier for them to remain calm when unexpected things arise.
On top of that, sprinkle in short training sessions throughout the day. Celebrate small wins, like when your dog chooses to look at you instead of staring down a squirrel. Over time, these victories add up, and you’ll see your dog begin to regulate their emotions more effortlessly.
Long-Term Benefits for You and Your Dog
When a dog masters emotional regulation, day-to-day life becomes smoother for everyone. Walks are more pleasant, social visits less chaotic, and your overall connection deepens. Your dog learns to pause and think instead of rushing headfirst into every impulse. In essence, they evolve from being reactors to choosers—becoming more in control of their own actions and responses.
For you, this means less stress, fewer embarrassing moments, and a richer relationship with your four-legged friend. It’s a win-win scenario: a calm dog often equals a calm pet parent, too.
If you’re wondering how quickly you’ll see progress, remember it’s a process—much like going to the gym. You don’t grow muscles overnight, and your dog won’t perfect emotional regulation after just one or two training sessions. Start small, keep at it, and celebrate every step forward.
Ready to see real results? Check out our Tranquility Walk Challenge. By focusing on small, manageable outings each day, you’ll lay a strong foundation for a more relaxed, confident dog—and a happier life together.